When a couple decides to get married, they see so much hope for a bright and loving future.  Everything is happy and thrilling and wonderful and amazing.  Sadly, not all relationships are destined for a happily-ever-after.  Today, more than half of all marriages end in divorce.  But, if you are willing to work at it, there are a number of ways to not only try to avoid the breakup of your marriage, but strengthen it.  One solution that most married couple try when attempting to save their relationship is to go through marriage counseling.

So what is marriage counseling?  During marriage counseling, a counselor or therapist works with a couple to try to work out and resolve any issues affecting their marriage.  These professional counselors and therapists work hard to flush out the underlying cause of the couple’s problem and help them find a workable solution.

So what sort of questions do marriage counselors ask?

The task of the marriage counselor is to ask questions of the couple and listen to each side’s point of view.  The goal is to facilitate an open and honest discussion in an environment that feels safe for both sides.  These questions should reflect various aspects of the couple’s married life and touch on issues past, present and future.  Since the past always plays such a large role in the basis of a marriage, the counselor will often spend a good deal of time learning and talking about past events and situations.  The past actions of one person may reflect what sort of decisions they might make in the future.

During marriage counseling, the couple is encouraged to talk about their relationship status.  Each side must do this since both parties may not perceive the relationship the same way.  How one person views the status of their relationship may not be the same as how the other sees it.

Another common question during counseling revolves around any children in the marriage.  How should the parents handle the situation with their kids?  Discussing the welfare of the children is a top priority especially if they have not yet reached the age of majority to decide for themselves.

Other questions that might be discussed would be regarding marital goals. It is very important for the counselor to ask the couple what they wanted from their counseling session. What result would they like to see?  At this point, the counselor often looks for a goal that the couple can accomplish together in order that their marriage or relationship might work. It is important to have a goal in marriage counseling so the counselor knows what direction to take.  If you have clearly defined goals the success rate of counseling is greatly increased.

Marriage counseling can be a great help to the couple whose marriage is on the brink of separation.  By talking with a qualified counselor, a couple can hopefully work through their marital issues and come through on the other side a stronger, happier couple.

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A marriage breakup is one of the most difficult challenges that any person can go through in his or her life. Ending a marriage brings about a huge range of emotions and issues that can threaten to overwhelm and defeat a person.  Handling the breakup of a marriage is like having to handle the fragile and brittle pieces of a broken vase that’s been pieced back together but not yet glued.  It’s truly a balancing act, and a scary one at that.

Dealing with a divorce can even make you doubt yourself and make you wonder whether or not you’re good enough to be the partner of anyone ever again.  It might make you feel worthless as a person too.  Nobody gets out of a marriage without having to deal with the emotional, physical, legal, and financial ramifications.  Even the strongest person can falter under the weight of emotion that accompanies a breakup.  Questions attack you – was I good enough? What did I do wrong? What could I have done differently?  How come I didn’t see this coming?  Why did they cheat?  Was it something I did?  Was it something I didn’t do? Why am I not good enough?  How could they do this to me?  Why don’t they love me? Am I a horrible person?  Is it my fault?  Did I cause this?  Did I make my marriage fail?

For the moment, set these questions aside.  Take control of yourself, and make sure you are secure about yourself. If you are experiencing thoughts of severe depression and think of hurting yourself or others, it is imperative you seek medical assistance immediately.  Take time for yourself.  Think about what you want to do now rather than blaming yourself about the marriage breakup.  Do not deny what’s already happening, delaying won’t make things any easier, in fact it may make matter worse.  Decide whether you want to save your marriage and talk to your partner. If your partner has expressed his or her desire of whether to end it or to fix it, that’s your cue.  It is a good indication about whether your relationship is worth saving or already destined to come to an end.

Secondly, as hard as it seems, try not to be driven by your emotions.  Marriage breakups are one of the most devastating things that can even happen in any one’s life.  They affect not only the couple but family and friends.  They are hard to get through but take heart, many people, even couples, come through on the other side as stronger, better, happier individuals.

And if you have children, you should protect them at all times, especially the small ones. They are innocent victims in all of this.  Explain to them in the simplest terms possible what is happening and when so they won’t be confused or worry more than will happen naturally anyway.  If there is disagreement about who gets the children, seek legal advice quickly and try to keep any issues regarding custody behind closed doors.  Your children do not need to hear or see you talking about such things until a decision has been made.  Getting a therapist to help advise you about how to talk to your children about your situation is a wise idea.

Dealing with the breakup of a marriage is devastating on many levels.  Make sure you slow down and take the time to take care of yourself, mentally, physically and spiritually.  As hard as it all seems now, it won’t be this bad forever.  Take one day at a time, one hour at a time if you need to.  You’ll get through it and hopefully be a better, stronger, more capable person for it.

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