A marriage breakup is one of the most difficult challenges that any person can go through in his or her life. Ending a marriage brings about a huge range of emotions and issues that can threaten to overwhelm and defeat a person. Handling the breakup of a marriage is like having to handle the fragile and brittle pieces of a broken vase that’s been pieced back together but not yet glued. It’s truly a balancing act, and a scary one at that.
Dealing with a divorce can even make you doubt yourself and make you wonder whether or not you’re good enough to be the partner of anyone ever again. It might make you feel worthless as a person too. Nobody gets out of a marriage without having to deal with the emotional, physical, legal, and financial ramifications. Even the strongest person can falter under the weight of emotion that accompanies a breakup. Questions attack you – was I good enough? What did I do wrong? What could I have done differently? How come I didn’t see this coming? Why did they cheat? Was it something I did? Was it something I didn’t do? Why am I not good enough? How could they do this to me? Why don’t they love me? Am I a horrible person? Is it my fault? Did I cause this? Did I make my marriage fail?
For the moment, set these questions aside. Take control of yourself, and make sure you are secure about yourself. If you are experiencing thoughts of severe depression and think of hurting yourself or others, it is imperative you seek medical assistance immediately. Take time for yourself. Think about what you want to do now rather than blaming yourself about the marriage breakup. Do not deny what’s already happening, delaying won’t make things any easier, in fact it may make matter worse. Decide whether you want to save your marriage and talk to your partner. If your partner has expressed his or her desire of whether to end it or to fix it, that’s your cue. It is a good indication about whether your relationship is worth saving or already destined to come to an end.
Secondly, as hard as it seems, try not to be driven by your emotions. Marriage breakups are one of the most devastating things that can even happen in any one’s life. They affect not only the couple but family and friends. They are hard to get through but take heart, many people, even couples, come through on the other side as stronger, better, happier individuals.
And if you have children, you should protect them at all times, especially the small ones. They are innocent victims in all of this. Explain to them in the simplest terms possible what is happening and when so they won’t be confused or worry more than will happen naturally anyway. If there is disagreement about who gets the children, seek legal advice quickly and try to keep any issues regarding custody behind closed doors. Your children do not need to hear or see you talking about such things until a decision has been made. Getting a therapist to help advise you about how to talk to your children about your situation is a wise idea.
Dealing with the breakup of a marriage is devastating on many levels. Make sure you slow down and take the time to take care of yourself, mentally, physically and spiritually. As hard as it all seems now, it won’t be this bad forever. Take one day at a time, one hour at a time if you need to. You’ll get through it and hopefully be a better, stronger, more capable person for it.
